How My Cat Helped Save My Life

Greetings everyone. 

This fiasco with my apartment finally got to me. I became suicidal. But I have a little cat to think of. There was no way I was gonna leave the planet without having her taken care of.

I was in close touch with my wonderful case worker and doctor and Robert, my case worker, found out that the local animal shelter would take care of Pinky for up to ten days while I went to the hospital.


Robert met me at the shelter and then followed me to the doctor's office where I was going to leave my car while I went to a crisis stabilization unit. At the office I was met by my doctor and the two of them waited for the van to take me away.

It was scary. The place was an hour away and I had no idea what I was going into, just that once again I was gonna be in a mental ward.

The white van with the cage barrier behind the front seats scared me. I wasn't able to take anything with me but the bag with my medicine and the things I couldn't leave in my car, like my iPad and iPod and phone and purse.

On the ride there I was able to text friends that I was going to be without my phone for a few days. My sister had seen my desperate post for someone to take care of Pinky in a local cat lovers group and had texted me, so I let her know that I was going.

The crisis stabilization unit was a small building beside the hospital. Once I arrived I was made to shower and change into scrubs. They keep your clothes and wash them then give them back to you when you leave. I was put in the intake office and given a dinner. That was nice because I hadn't eaten all day and it was about 6:30 P.M. 

They took all my medications and allowed me to quickly write down phone numbers from my phone before it was put into my purse and locked up. I was allowed to take one book, so I chose Neil Gaiman's American Gods, which I was in the middle of. 

Then I was taken into the unit and showed my bed, 4b. After that I was on my own until evening group.

This was on Monday, April 13th.

The next day I teleconferenced with the Nurse Practitioner and she upped my meds and added an as needed pill for my anxiety.

And the days were groups, groups, groups led by different counselors.

A friend told me that I shouldn't just sit in the group and talk about Breaking Bad (Jesse was in a lot of groups in the series). Then when someone who had just got out of prison said he was in there for cooking meth I laughed and had to explain myself.

Up at 6:00 A.M. for meds and a self serve breakfast. There was yogurt, oatmeal, apple and orange juice, Nutri-Grain bars and coffee always available.

Lunch was at 1:00 and dinner was at 6:00, delivered from the hospital in styrofoam take-out containers. Those little picnic packs of napkin, salt and pepper and plastic utensils, but with the knives removed for our safety. The food was very good.

Lights out at 11:00. Each night I looked at my hospital bracelet and thought of Simon Pegg in the movie The World's End. "They told me when to go to bed! Me! Gary King!"

I read American Gods as if my life depended on it. I can't recommend it enough. It is weird but easy to read and keeps you enthralled. Some poked fun of me, Mary and her book they said. I finished it on Wednesday but started rereading it immediately.

I had all my phone numbers written on the paper I used for a bookmark. Talking to my friends always brought a smile to my face. The sign said two calls per day but it was not enforced.

There were tea bags for the asking, so I was able to drink a lot of calming cups of tea.

The only sweetener available was Sweet-N-Low, so I developed a taste for that and now drink it in my coffee instead of sugar.

The people working behind the scenes there were fantastic. They got me a grant that paid for two weeks at the motel where I am now. The nurses and techs in the unit were patient and understanding and very sweet.

The other people in there were a varied bunch. Some were there instead of being taken to jail, some were like me. I met a couple of ladies that I exchanged phone numbers with because we have so much in common.

On Friday the 17th I was allowed to leave. The usual stay is three days but it was deemed necessary for me to stay one day extra.

A white van took me back to my car at my doctor's office. I made my way to the hotel.

On Saturday I went and picked up Pinky at the shelter. They had taken very good care of her. It felt good to have her back. She has been sleeping with me and actually cuddled alongside me.

When I was suicidal she was the only thing I thought of. Not my sons, not my family, not my friends. I made a plan on how I would end my life. That was the scariest part. 

I am glad that I was honest with my doctor and my case worker. They quickly got me the help I needed.

The hotel is nice and I have a fridge and microwave and free wifi in my room. Each morning there is a free continental breakfast so I set my alarm and go down and have a cup of coffee and some mini muffins then bring a cup of coffee to my room.

I came through it. I survived. Taking the time to get my little cat taken care of kept me from doing something rash and horrible.

There is help out there if you feel there is nowhere to turn. Talk to your doctor, be honest about how you feel.

The crisis stabilization unit lived up to its name. It worked for me.

Ah, my Pinky cat is rubbing my legs, wanting to be petted.

Unfortunately when I called a family member for help he told me to "get rid of that damned cat". I told him that 'that damned cat' just saved my life. Not everyone will understand your mental illness, ever. Sadly, it is just something that you have to deal with.

Thank you for reading. Be strong. Get help if you need it. And I am here if you have any questions about my Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety or my experience in the unit.

Story In Contest Part 2

I want to sincerely thank everyone who went and liked my story in the contest last week.

It did not win BUT I lost to a woman who is an established author of ebook novelettes. So I think that I did very well for going up against a real writer.

Thank you again for all your help. I really appreciated how many likes I got and I also got quite a few lovely, lovely comments.

Here is the story, for those who want to read it but didn't get to go to the website.

PINKY

It had been a long day. I had spent all morning at a job fair, having recently lost a very good job. I just wanted to kick off the heels and relax but first my cocker spaniel, Max, had to be taken out.

After a quick outing I was in the process of changing my clothes when he told me he had to go out again. Those with dogs know that look. Even though I was hot and tired I decided better safe than sorry and once again attached his leash.

Once outside he began pulling me, something he never does. He was leading me straight over to a neighbor’s truck. When we arrived at the truck he did something else I have never seen him do. He climbed under the truck.

After only a moment, before I could get down to see what he was doing, he came back to me. Following him was a tiny gray and white kitten. She was meowing her little head off. I had not heard a thing, being deaf in one ear. Evidently he had heard her from inside the house.

She was pitiful. Skin and bones. I could see that she had ringworm around one of her ears and she was covered in fleas. The neighbor whose truck it was was outside and I asked him if she belonged to him. When he replied that she was not his, that he had never seen her, I knew that I had to help the poor thing.

I had very little money but I had enough to take her to the vet. In addition to the ringworm and fleas she had intestinal worms and had evidently suffered a blow to the head. She was blind in one eye and only about four weeks old. Why was such a baby outside all alone? I was incensed.

A few weeks later I found out where she had come from. Another neighbor had thrown her out of his house because she had scratched his niece. I told him that I had no intention of returning her to him if that was the way he treated a tiny kitten and he said fine, he didn’t want her anyway, that he had her mom and dad.

The following weeks were tough on the little cat I named Pinky. My older cat, Jasper, was none too fond of her but seemed to know that the little one was sick. It took quite a while to cure the ringworm and get rid of the intestinal worms. The poor thing would growl while eating. I got her over that by hand feeding her.

What Pinky did for me, though, was wondrous. I was extremely depressed and she perked me up, gave me new purpose. She gave me new hope. I started writing short stories and poetry again. When I took her to the vet I learned they were hiring and got a wonderful job in the kennel. How I loved feeding and playing with the dogs and cats!  

All this was seven years ago and Pinky is healthy and happy. She never grew very big, weighing in at only five pounds. The vet said this is most likely due to malnutrition of her mother. She bosses around the cocker spaniel who found her for me.

And a sweet afterthought is – the day he found her was my birthday.

Thunder And Lightning

It's storming here. I love it. My cat, however, does not.

She will tremble and mew until the storm ends and there is nothing I can do but keep my hand on her. That seems to be what she needs from me when the thunder rolls. Then she will get up and stretch and claw my couch and I know she is over it. And now she has jumped up to lay between me and the laptop. She is a scaredy cat anyway, so just about anything scares her. When people come to the door of the apartment she runs and hides. She has done this since I found her. Well, my dog found her. I wrote a short story about how she came to join our family and it will be in a contest in May. I will let you know when it comes up.

I have always loved storms. Something about the forces of nature unleashed to show her glory just stirs the primal being in me.

When I was a toddler we lived in two different trailer parks. Both were hit by tornadoes. During one my mother picked me up off the couch just as the air conditioner fell out of the window. If she had not done so I would have been squashed. In the other tornado the trailer was tipped onto its side. It was during that one that I remember the Pet milk man giving out milk to the children and moms in our park. He was just passing stuff out of the back of his truck.

I've also been in hurricanes on land and at sea. In Myrtle Beach I would help make sure the lines of the boats at the marina were secured. The first boat I was on was in 1993 and we were in Florida when it was snowing during the "Storm of the Century". One day it was bathing suits, the next it was sweaters. We were in a safe marina when the worst was going on. The wind would make the lines on the mast thrum loudly. To sleep I had to put my headphones on and turn Pearl Jam all the way up on my walkman. We were able to go explore (somewhat) the town in a car borrowed from the marina because it was three days that we were stuck there.

Hurricanes at sea are another matter. It's exhausting. Although you try and plan a route and trip around the weather sometimes the weather changes its mind. Everything is wet. Your nice hot drink is watered down with either rainwater or saltwater from the constant sea spray. There have been times when the weather got so bad that the captain tied the cord from the lifeboat onto a stanchion, small poles that go around the deck of the boat. That way, if the boat was going down, all you had to do was heave the lifeboat into the sea and the cord would pull, inflating the thing. If you stopped to think about it, it was scary. But there you were, two hundred miles offshore. It wasn't like you could step off the boat. You just had to deal with it.

The storm has subsided here, for the moment. We are supposed to have them for the next few days. There could be tornadoes in the states to the northwest. Tornadoes are rare in East Tennessee. Add that to the fact that I live in what seems to be a concrete bunker and I am not afraid. But I do look forward to opening the windows and letting the sweet smell of ozone be blown into my small apartment. And maybe I'll dream of the sea.