No More Shadow

I can now walk from room to room unhindered.

When I turn I don't have to wait for someone to turn around, too.

Everyone says that fifteen years is a long time. No, it's not long enough.

My depression is really rearing it's ugly head. I am taking lots of naps. When I am asleep I don't hurt. But every time I awake I look for him. In that one brief second I forget that I no longer have a little buddy.

He was my buddy, my little man, my Bubba. He was my reason for getting up in the morning and the one that I spooned with at night. He was my velcro dog. He was my shadow. He was my heart and my life.

And now he is gone.

Mary's Maximillian

November 16th, 1999 to February 12th, 2015

He had Cushing's disease that caused pancreatitis and renal failure. And I was in denial. I took him to the vet thinking that they could give me a fix for his tummy troubles and we would be okay. But we weren't okay.

In the end I could not be selfish, although I really wanted to be.

I do have a kitty, Pinky, but she is not a cuddly kitty. She comes to me a few times a day for pets and to get me to give her wet food.

I am trying to feel better by binge watching Breaking Bad. And that is comforting.

But my heart aches for one more hug, one more walk, one more look into those old eyes that never showed me anything but adoration.

I feel lost and off-kilter without him.

My heart is shattered.

I have no more shadow.

Dealing With An Old Dog

It's official. My little black cocker spaniel has been called a very old dog by his vet.

My Max turns 15 this month. He went to the vet for his shots (he needs his dip-tet - from Raising Arizona) and for him to be shaved in certain areas.

He barely hears. I have to speak very loudly to him. His sight is not the best. When he drops part of a treat I often have to pick it up and give it to him because he can't find it. And I guess that means that his nose isn't as keen as it once was.

His appetite has diminished. It is hard to find something he is interested in eating. The vet says give him whatever he will eat, dog food wise. He currently is eating a grain free lamb and rice dry and lamb and rice canned food. He seems to like it. Since he is getting more canned food than dry I am to mix two teaspoons of plain yogurt and two tablespoons of low fat cottage cheese to his food and hopefully that will even out some potty problems.

His back legs will give out when he is sitting up or standing up. I am to give him a baby aspirin in the morning and at night. Because of his advanced age the vet does not want to give him a prescription anti-inflammatory.

Now that it is cooler we can go out more without the risk of over-heating. He shouldn't get over excited because of his enlarged heart. If there is excessive panting I am to bring him right back to the vet.

He is still the same loving dog he has always been. Everyone who meets him just goes on and on about what a good dog he is. And I agree.

He has been with me through a lot, has gotten me through a lot, and now it is my turn to make sure to do the best for him.


"Blessed is the person who has earned the love of an old dog." --- Sydney Jeanne Seward


I feel so blessed to have him. And maybe tonight as we spoon on the bed (he has to sleep that way unless it is very hot) I will hold him just a bit tighter.

I will hold him to my heart and never let go.