Facebook Therapy Is Good

I wasn't going to post today. (Well, now that would be yesterday.) I have been in high anxiety mode for most of the day.

Those of us with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) are also plagued by anxiety. When the anxiety partners with the repetitious thoughts that the MDD brings to the table, it can be a perfect storm. All day today was racing thoughts and panic attacks.

The repeating thoughts started easily enough. This morning, bright and early, I Facebook chatted with my youngest son. Just as we ended the short chat, in which we both said I love you, this thought popped into my head: "What if this is the last time I talk to him or he talks to me?". For the rest of the day today my brain has been trying to convince me that something horrible was going to happen to him or to me. I had to leave the house for an appointment that I had to keep. Surely I was going to get t-boned by a truck or he was going to wreck on his way home from work. Over and over today I sought distractions. Some worked, but only briefly.

As you can see, I am still here. And I haven't gotten a phone call every parent dreads. So all day was spent frozen in fear for no reason other than my brain was having its way with me. The feelings of impending doom proved false, for today.

That's stupid, you may say, why not just tell yourself that the thoughts are silly and get on with your day? Oh, if I only could. If only.

Eventually the distraction of the interweb won out and I can breath a bit easier now, which is good because it's bedtime. A nice long Facebook chat with a Facebook friend helped quite a bit. It was a little Facebook therapy. Sometimes it helps to talk about it. But sometimes it doesn't. I never know until I am faced with talking to another person.

As for today, the Facebook therapy worked. Eventually. I am grateful for the friend and for the many posts in my newsfeed that tried to keep my brain occupied. And I am grateful to you, for reading this post about what it is like to be me sometimes.

Hopefully my brain exhausted itself today and tomorrow will be uneventful. I can only hope.